Have you lost the feeling of being at home in your own body?
Do you spend all your time and energy caring for other people and ignoring your own needs?
Do you secretly love glitter?
. . . . .
Over the past 22 years, I’ve worked with hundreds of smart, kind, sensitive woman who began to realize that they had, for most of their lives, put themselves last.
They over-sacrifice,over-work and over-give but under-recognize their own desires and their preferences in favor of caretaking others.
They spend years over-managing their life, by over-editing, self-suppressing (or self-censoring) and it has left them feeling numb, frozen, misunderstood and unappreciated.
They come to me feeling stuck and they don’t know why.
They come to me not feeling good in their own skin.
Some women come to me having experienced the deep emotional trauma of a clingy mother, an absent father or just having lived in this dominant culture as the highly sensitive, open hearted woman they are.
Some women come to me having loved dancing as children, but then stopped because of criticism that created a growing self-loathing and they have sorely missed that avenue of expression.
Some women come to me having experienced sexual trauma.
Some women come to me having struggled with eating disorders or body dysmorphia.
Some women come having struggled with anxiety & depression.
They come to me sensing that there is a whole new way of being calling them, but only know of a few women who’ve made the journey and they secretly envy those who just assume it’s fine to take up time & space and share their opinion, needs, wants and expressions but… they are noticing that ad hoc tarot readings and talk therapy have not been enough for the kind of liberation they seek.
They come to me craving a safe place from which to show up and shine and truly be seen by themselves and others (even though they’re sometimes incredibly introverted and shy).
They come with a growing, urgent need to be seen, acknowledged, received, apprehended, cherished, and expressed.
Since 2000, I’ve worked with hundreds of women in this moment of their life to learn to revel in their bodies, reveal their radiant essence, and receive what they truly want in life. They have discovered a new way of being and moving more confidently and passionately through their lives.
If the above sounds like you then there’s a chance that this work might be useful to you.
But to be sure, consider the following...
worry a lot about what other people expect of you, how much other people are (consciously and unconsciously) requesting of you, how to be seen and keep everyone else OK while they are
often experience depression and anxiety and autoimmune disorders and are becoming aware that you are generally dimming your light in painful, constricting ways
are really tired of caretaking, waiting your turn, holding it all together, and being underpaid and under-nurtured
are stuck at feeling safe in your body, at existing
resonate with the archetypes of The Nurturer, The Helper, The Frozen One
recognize how your self-censorship is costing you your well-being, your expression, and really, your life
can sense that your way of approaching life is keeping you stuck in self-suppression
If you are finding yourself nodding and saying ‘yes’ to that list above and are feeling daunted and alone, take a deep breath. You’re not alone. I’ve been where you are and helped dozens of women just like you to make profound, deep and lasting shifts in their life....
Want to experience the effervescence of their own signature sensual movement (that they don’t yet know is uniquely theirs!)
Want to feel confident and live passionately as themselves
Sing in the shower and dance in the kitchen (or wish to!)
Enjoy live music, art events, dance class, yoga class, personal growth workshops, spiritual growth workshops
Are drawn to authors, elders and poets like Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Caroline Casey, Angeles Arrien, Ane Axford, Sarah Peyton, Hafiz, Khalil Gibran, Carl Buchheit
Love to eat healthy, eat locally grown food, shop at farmers’ markets, and often find themselves picking up a bottle of kombucha, a bar of healthy, raw chocolate, or salad and a delicious vinaigrette.
Can’t live without beauty. You experience it as a kind of food and a balm without which life isn’t worth living whether it be enjoying delicious food and drink, a beautifully decorated home, a variety of clothing that suits your aesthetic.
Love to go to local, independent arty and documentary films at their local theatres.
Are drawn to conversations about mysticism, oracles, human potential, colors, personality typing systems (Enneagram, Astrology, Myers Briggs, Archetype Typing Systems).
Amy The Overworker:
Amy came to me super good at equanimity (that’s what spiritual people aspire to, right?), and so identified with being a peacemaker (all her friends loved her for that quality & she had come to know herself as that, too) but she was starting to realize that, instead of just getting angry, she had learned to quickly divert actual feelings of anger.
For example, the last time when she was at work and asked to do way more than her job description stated, she took a deep breath to divert her pre-nascent anger (to nip her anger in the bud), and simply took care of the extra work. She was doing the work of 3.5 people and yet it never occurred to her to ask someone for help. She did it because she loved pleasing her boss & feeling appreciated. She took that diverting breath so quickly that she rarely even knew that she was angry.
But, by the time she came to me she was beginning to wonder if there was a connection between the anger she’s avoiding and repressing and her ulcerative colitis (which seems to get worse every year, and stealing her vital energy). When her vacation time would finally come around, she would collapse, get sick and recover just in time to go back to work. Her body needed the break long before, but she hadn’t listened to (or, if she’s honest, even noticed) the little signs along the way.
While she was away from work, none of the tasks she normally tended to were covered, so she would jump back in to catch up (and the cycle would continue).
Elena Kept Losing Herself:
Elena had started to notice that she had become so good at manipulating her own perception of what she actually wanted and needed that she wasn’t even sure anymore what that was. Her partner knew she was upset about a few things in her life and in their relationship, but he had no idea just how unhappy she actually was and she was beginning to see this: she knew that he didn’t know but he didn’t know that she knew.
This feeling was increasingly unsettling for her and left her feeling even more alone and isolated because, to express it would mean rocking the boat. Rather than express it, she continued to take care of him and his more obvious needs. She had unconsciously created the dynamic for her to give and for him to take and it was so solidly established, that it felt like to shift it would take a really big rupture that she didn’t know how to safely do (he needed her at this point, or at least it seemed like he did...it had just come to feel like in order for her to be safe, he needed to be safe, and for that to happen she had to sacrifice her well-being, and come second most of the time, which was exhausting and felt awful, and wasn’t really living.
It was a kind of managing. People weren’t getting to know her. She was starting to notices that they saw her as someone who accommodated them and they'd come to expect it. She realized that she'd lost herself and she wasn’t sure how to make a shift without upsetting everything and, increasingly, she was sure why she was so scared of this.
She felt deeply unsettled by this all.
She didn’t know her ambitions and it was hard to acknowledge what she liked and wanted.
She came to me only knowing that she wanted something different.
But what? She had put aside her art ambitions long ago. She had taken the spotlight off of herself long ago.
Quiet Joan:
Joan was noticing that she often had a strong opinion, need, or input that she was withholding from her co-workers, boss, best friend, and family.
She wasn’t bringing her contribution.
She kept stopping herself.
She wasn’t saying 'the thing.'
It was all really painful and puzzling for her and she kept asking herself, "Why am I not letting this person know what I'm thinking or wanting?"
She had been acting this way in a long time. She keeps waiting for the perfect moment but it never comes.
Ellie Raised Her Parents:
Ellie came to me realizing, midway through their life, that she had raised her parents. Her parents had been wonderful in many ways, and were beacons for so many people.
Now in their their 80’s, they had long been social justice activists, rooting for the underdog, championing many gorgeous causes and lived a life of deep service to so many people. After years of personal growth and healing, Ellie had come to the heartbreaking realization that, in addition to being such givers, her parents had been, and were still, quite narcissistic and selfish.
To others, it might have looked like her mother was caring for her but the truth is Ellie felt like she was giving her parents the very care and nurturing she craved. She had been raising her parents.
So many of the women I work with have been chronically over-giving of their time and attention for years if not decades.
They wouldn’t even check in with themselves to see if they actually wanted to give in that way at that moment. They would do it compulsively. If they saw a need, they would fill it right away. The truth was that they often came to realize that their giving was not honest because they hadn't checked in with what they wanted. They were too busy making sure everyone else had what they wanted. If others weren’t okay, then she couldn’t be okay.
What I see in many of these women is that they have become experts at dissociating and checking out while looking like they are present. The layers of editing out feelings that feel threatening to have can be very sophisticated. They look like they’re fine and no one would guess that there’s anything wrong but they have left their bodies.
Nobody’s home.
It is like there’s an self-administering anesthesia that stops them from realizing what they’re actually feeling & needing; they have become numb to their own emotions which often means that they numb to their own, regular, day to day body sensations too and instead they get strange body signals.
This Work Might Not Be a Fit For You If You…
want yet another person to determine for you how you should be in the world
want to have your solo burlesque dance choreographed for you
would like to keep your emotions out of your solo creation process
have yet to engage in any healing support for your drip drip +/or boom boom trauma (Showgirl Awakening serves best as the 2nd or 3rd stop on your healing and homecoming journey)
If it feels like a fit, here’s how I might be able to help you...
My superpower is to catalyze your transformation, via showgirl & burlesque dance & performance and the application of Awakening Showgirl principles--which conjure both mystical & practical sovereignty--across your whole life.
You will increasingly find yourself making the journey from Bracing to Embracing, as the below chart depicts ..
Bracing |
Embracing |
|---|---|
| Over-editing (her words, sounds, movements, creative works...ie not doing them at all, or not completing them) Wonders for days :: should I have said that? Why didn’t I dare to say that? | Expressing herself (via words, movements, creations of any kind) Allowing evidence of herself to be visible; allowing herself to be seen via her body & words & creations, |
| Over-responds (to others, to stimulus from outside themselves; often compulsively) | Trusts herself & her instincts |
| Over-manages (others’ emotions & needs; assuming responsibility for others’ feelings) | Feels her own feelings/emotions |
| Takes responsibility for the state of others, groups, cultures, worlds | Takes up space (physically, emotionally, psychically) |
| Over-gives (time, resources, psychic space) | Receives & truly lets land :: compliments, loving regard from others, appropriate payment for her work |
| Over-accommodates others People-pleases; overly concerned that others are comfortable | Listens to/heeds her body sensations Notices, appreciates and savors the pleasure of being a body (feeling of sun on skin, experience of being touched, even by her hand, the taste of food they like, sitting in a comfortable chair) |
| Over-anxious & over-worried & experiencing it as a full body discomfort experience | Feels comfortable & at home in her own skin |
| Over-endures, overly excellent at not letting anyone--even herself!--know that she has been uncomfortable physically, emotionally, psychically for far too long | Responds swiftly to herself, her feelings and her physical sensations; She adjusts her experience according to what actually feels better, on a micro and macro level |
| Asks for permission, from nearly anyone (!), except herself | Exercises and experiences sovereignty in her decisions and actions; reaches for and takes what she likes |
| Over-apologizes, for her actions, lack of actions, but most of all simply for being | Presupposes not only her right to exist, but the gift inherent in her showing up, in her full presence |
| Dims her natural, signature radiant essence | Shines; Radiates her natural, signature true radiant essence |
| Dresses & grooms herself in a way to bring less attention to herself; hides | Dresses in way that deeply delights her and expresses her beauty on her terms |
| Concerned with being liked to the point of suppressing the self | Feels in rapport with self, when in rapport with self, regardless of whether that means being liked. |
| Loathes her own body; is hypercritical of her body; perhaps expresses through eating disorder | Loves her body, her sweet animal self |
| Deflects praise & compliments; Even manages to deflect the enjoyment of good things she already has. For example, she manages to not enjoy the taste of the cake that she wanted and then put in her mouth. | Enjoys & absorbs what is right in front of her, what is already offered to to her, what is already hers for the savoring |