Over the past 20 years, I’ve worked with hundreds of smart, kind, sensitive women who began to realize that they have, for most of their lives, put themselves last.
They over-sacrifice, over-work and over-give but under-recognize their own desires and their preference in favor of care-taking others.
They spend years over-managing their life, by over-editing, self-suppressing and self-censoring and it has left them feeling, numb, frozen, misunderstood and unappreciated.
They come to me feeling stuck and they don’t know why.
I’ve worked with hundreds of women in this moment of their life to learn to revel in their bodies, reveal their radiant essence, and receive what they truly want in life. They have discovered a new way of being and moving more confidently and passionately through their lives.
If the above sounds like you then there’s a chance that this work might be useful to you.
But to be sure, consider the following...
This Could Be Perfect For You If You...
worry a lot about what other people expect of you, how much other people are (consciously and unconsciously) requesting of you, how to be seen and keep everyone else OK while they are.
often experience depression and anxiety and autoimmune disorders and are becoming aware that you are generally dimming your light in painful, constricting ways.
are really tired of care-taking, waiting your turn, holding it all together, and being underpaid and under-nurtured.
are stuck at feeling safe in your body, at existing.
resonate with the archetypes of The Nurturer, The Helper, The Frozen One.
recognize how your self-censorship is costing you your well-being, your expression, and really, your life.
can sense how your way of approaching life is keeping you reliably stuck in self-suppression.
Secretly love glitter, ruffles, fringe, feathers, and shiny things.
Want to experience the effervescence of their own variety of sensual movement.
Want to move confidently on and off stage.
What to live passionately on and off stage.
Sing in the shower and dance in the kitchen (or wish to!)
Enjoy live music, art events, dance class, yoga class, personal growth workshops, spiritual growth workshops.
Are drawn to authors, elders and poets like Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Caroline Casey, Angeles Arrien, Ane Axford, Sarah Peyton, Hafiz, Khalil Gibran, Carl Buchheit, Andrew Harvey and Francois Delsarte.
Love to eat healthy, eat locally grown food, shop at farmers’ markets, and often find yourself picking up a bottle of kombucha, a bar of healthy, raw chocolate, or salad and a delicious vinaigrette.
Can’t live without beauty. You experience it as a kind of food and a balm without which life isn’t worth living whether it be enjoying delicious food and drink, a beautifully decorated home, a variety of clothing that suits your aesthetic.
Are drawn to conversations about mysticism, oracles, human potential, colors, personality typing systems (Enneagram, Astrology, Myers Briggs, Archetype Typing Systems).
If you are finding yourself nodding and saying ‘yes’ to that list above and are feeling daunted and alone, take a deep breath. You’re not alone. I’ve been where you are and helped dozens of women just like you to make profound, deep and lasting shifts in their life....
Amy came to me super good at equanimity (that’s what spiritual people aspire to, right?), and so identified with being a peacemaker (all her friends loved her for that quality & she had come to know herself as that, too) but she was starting to realize that, instead of just getting angry, she had learned to quickly divert actual feelings of anger. For example, the last time when she was at work and asked to do way more than her job description stated, she took a deep breath to divert her pre-nascent anger (to nip her anger in the bud), and simply took care of the extra work. She was doing the work of 3.5 people and yet it never occurred to her to ask someone for help. She did it because she loved pleasing her boss & feeling appreciated. She took that diverting breath so quickly that she rarely even knew that she was angry. But, by the time she came to me she was beginning to wonder if there was a connection between the anger she’s avoiding and repressing and her ulcerative colitis (which seems to get worse every year, and stealing her vital energy). When her vacation time would finally come around, she would collapse, get sick and recover just in time to go back to work. Her body needed the break long before, but she hadn’t listened to (or, if she’s honest, even noticed) the little signs along the way. While she was away from work, none of the tasks she normally tended to were covered, so she would jump back in to catch up (and the cycle would continue).
So many of the women I work with have been chronically over-giving of their time and attention for years if not decades.
They wouldn’t even check in with themselves to see if they actually wanted to give in that way at that moment. They would do it compulsively. If they saw a need, they would fill it right away. The truth was that they often came to realize that their giving was not honest because they hadn't checked in with what they wanted. They were too busy making sure everyone else had what they wanted. If others weren’t okay, then she couldn’t be okay.
What I see in many of these women is that they have become experts at dissociating and checking out while looking like they are present. The layers of editing out feelings that feel threatening to have can be very sophisticated. They look like they’re fine and no one would guess that there’s anything wrong but they have left their bodies.
It is like there’s an self-administering anesthesia that stops them from realizing what they’re actually feeling & needing; they have become numb to their own emotions which often means that they numb to their own, regular, day to day body sensations too and instead they get strange body signals.
If it feels like a fit, here’s how I might be able to help you...
My superpower is to catalyze your transformation, via showgirl & burlesque dance & performance and the application of Awakening Showgirl principles--which conjure both mystical & practical sovereignty--across your whole life.
You will increasingly find yourself making the journey from Bracing to Embracing, as the below chart depicts ::
Over-editing (her words, sounds, movements, creative works...ie not doing them at all, or not completing them)
Wonders for days :: should I have said that? Why didn’t I dare to say that?
Over-responds (to others, to stimulus from outside themselves; often compulsively)
Over-manages (others’ emotions & needs; assuming responsibility for others’ feelings)
Takes over-responsibility for the state of others’, groups, cultures, worlds.
Over-gives (time, resources, psychic space).
People-pleases; overly concerned that others are comfortable.
Over-anxious & over-worried & experiencing it as a full body discomfort experience
Over-endures, overly excellent at not letting anyone--even herself!--know that she has been uncomfortable physically, emotionally, psychically for far too long.
Asks for permission, from nearly anyone (!), except herself.
Over-apologizes, for her actions, lack of actions, but most of all simply for being.
Dims her natural, signature radiant essence.
Dresses & grooms herself in a way to bring less attention to herself; hides.
Concerned with being liked to the point of suppressing the self.
Loathes her own body; is hypercritical of her body; perhaps expresses through eating disorder.
Deflects praise & compliments; Even manages to deflect the enjoyment of good things she already has. For example, she manages to not enjoy the taste of the cake that she wanted and then put in her mouth.
Expressing herself (via words, movements, creations of any kind)
Allowing evidence of herself to be visible; allowing herself to be seen via her body & words & creations.
Trusts herself & her instincts
Feels her own feelings/emotions
Takes up space (physically, emotionally, psychically)
Receives & truly lets land :: compliments, loving regard from others, appropriate payment for her work
Listens to/heeds her body sensations
Notices, appreciates and savors the pleasure of being a body (feeling of sun on skin, experience of being touched, even by her hand, the taste of food they like, sitting in a comfortable chair)
Feels comfortable & at home in her own skin
Responds swiftly to herself, her feelings and her physical sensations; She adjusts her experience according to what actually feels better, on a micro and macro level
Exercises and experiences sovereignty in her decisions and actions; reaches for and takes what she likes.
Presupposes not only her right to exist, but the gift inherent in her showing up, in her full presence.
Shines; Radiates her natural, signature true radiant essence.
Dresses in way that deeply delights her and expresses her beauty on her terms.
Feels in rapport with self, when in rapport with self, regardless of whether that means being liked.
Loves her body, her sweet animal self.
Enjoys & absorbs what is right in front of her, what is already offered to to her, what is already hers for the savoring.